there's a myriad of feelings that come along with the news of a second baby coming. for me, these feelings manifest most intensely at night. for a long time i have had issues with insomnia. it comes and goes. sometimes it's worse than others. the whole problem became an even bigger obstacle when bb was born and was not what you would call "a good sleeper." after he finally started to sleep through the night, i couldn't. it took a long time to get there for me. i remember feeling so angry that now that i was "allowed" to sleep, i couldn't and it seemed so insanely unfair.
so, lately, with all that is on my mind, i wake up at roughly 3:10am every morning and from then until 6:30 or 7 when bb wakes up, i fall asleep, wake up, fall asleep and repeat. this makes for interesting dreams.
2 nights ago i dreamed i met the Go-Go's. yes, i'm a big fan. but i've never harbored any secret desire to hang out with them. i mean, to me they are the finest girl band we had in the 80s, sure, but i never wanted to be their pal, you know? after i met them and we chatted it up for a while, we went to Paris. not me and the girls--me and hubby. i also dreamed not long ago that me and hubby went to London.
before i learned of baby #2, i started to feel like it'd be fun to take a trip. maybe even, dare i say it, out of the country. bb is old enough now to have us go away. a grandparent could come be with him for a few days.
but now. now that there is a baby coming, i see my freedom going away again. just when i was getting it back. all i can think of lately is taking a trip. i feel like escaping. i feel afraid of "going back" to the sleepless days. the "we can't go anywhere" days. i feel like i want to run away. not for real. i don't mean take off on my family, i mean, go away for a week with a girlfriend, you know?
i'm scared. having a second child is big. i wondered if i could handle one and i could, so i can only imagine that i can handle having 2.
but seriously, what's with the Go-Go dream? i think part of me wants my youth back.
do you ever feel that way?