20 February 2007

i dream of Go-Go's

there's a myriad of feelings that come along with the news of a second baby coming. for me, these feelings manifest most intensely at night. for a long time i have had issues with insomnia. it comes and goes. sometimes it's worse than others. the whole problem became an even bigger obstacle when bb was born and was not what you would call "a good sleeper." after he finally started to sleep through the night, i couldn't. it took a long time to get there for me. i remember feeling so angry that now that i was "allowed" to sleep, i couldn't and it seemed so insanely unfair.

so, lately, with all that is on my mind, i wake up at roughly 3:10am every morning and from then until 6:30 or 7 when bb wakes up, i fall asleep, wake up, fall asleep and repeat. this makes for interesting dreams.

2 nights ago i dreamed i met the Go-Go's. yes, i'm a big fan. but i've never harbored any secret desire to hang out with them. i mean, to me they are the finest girl band we had in the 80s, sure, but i never wanted to be their pal, you know? after i met them and we chatted it up for a while, we went to Paris. not me and the girls--me and hubby. i also dreamed not long ago that me and hubby went to London.

before i learned of baby #2, i started to feel like it'd be fun to take a trip. maybe even, dare i say it, out of the country. bb is old enough now to have us go away. a grandparent could come be with him for a few days.

but now. now that there is a baby coming, i see my freedom going away again. just when i was getting it back. all i can think of lately is taking a trip. i feel like escaping. i feel afraid of "going back" to the sleepless days. the "we can't go anywhere" days. i feel like i want to run away. not for real. i don't mean take off on my family, i mean, go away for a week with a girlfriend, you know?

i'm scared. having a second child is big. i wondered if i could handle one and i could, so i can only imagine that i can handle having 2.

but seriously, what's with the Go-Go dream? i think part of me wants my youth back.
do you ever feel that way?

6 comments:

Leslie said...

when i see single young women eating lunch all alone, while i have 3 kids hanging on me and not enough money in my purse, yes, i do long for youth again. but then my kids say, for no apparent reason, "mommy, i love you." and that all goes away. you'll be great with two; i don't know you, but you'll step it up. look at what you do every day already! did you ever think you'd be so good at it? :)

Jamie said...

I can only imagine most pregnant moms have some of the same thoughts as you. I know I would.
You have many more months before bb2 comes, so go on, take some time for your self.

Coincidentally, I have sleep issues too, and dreamed of dancing with Tim McGraw the other night. Maybe celebrities step in to help when insomnia strikes.

RookieMom Heather said...

I'm now 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant with #2. I highly recommend that you take a fun trip with your little family NOW. I passed up my chance.

I like the dream though, pregnancy makes for weird dreams.

beth said...

That's so weird, in addition to completely relating to most of this...minus the Go Go bit...I was totally overcome recently with a NEED to plan a trip to get away. Nothing came of it but all of a sudden I just felt like I had to have a vacation in the works or I was going to lose it. Needing some sunshine probably doesn't help. And I'll probably have to settle for a trip to the shore this summer. I think you're right though, there is that looming threat that we're about to be homebound for quite a while.

sari said...

We have lots of sun here if anyone wants to visit me! ha ha

I think we ALL have felt that way. It's funny, isn't it? You find out you're pregnant and you just feel like everything is slipping away instead of opening up to new avenues. It's easy to think of loss instead of gain, because it affects YOU for 9 months and then probably a good two years after that - all YOU. But it's a great thing and your new baby will be wonderful. And you'll be a family of four!

I know exactly how you feel but you'll be great, and I agree - if you can take a trip - do! It will be fun and you'll be glad you did it.

Allie said...

Kate - I love the Go Go's too. Must be that we are 80's children heh?

I was worried too about having the other baby in the house but I can honestly say that it has been relative easy so far. Easy in the sense that you have been there, done that and you gained wisdom from it. Luckily, I am not much of a sleeper; never have been, so the midnight wanderings of feedings and lack of sleep are okay on me.

When I look back, in my first trimester and early in the second, I really wanted a trip. I didn't get one ..... Perhaps we should pack up our bags and go to visit Sari. I am all up for the sunshine myself.