trucks trucks trucks

every morning bb gets up and plays with his trucks. he's all about the vehicles. here's some pics of today. but even better is the narration.

this is what he was saying. verbatim. (yes, i am a freak, i went and got a pen.)

(after he lined them all up)
"have a party. . . just like ME!" (he still remembers fondly his birthday party)

(pointing the pick-up truck toward the jeep)
"hey-o, jeep, how you doin'"
"good."
"that's good."

(picking up jeep)
"turn his wheels. go fast!"
"see that mommy? jeep goes quick-quick!"

he's in a big watch this, watch me phase. every morning it's "mommy, look at THIS!" his language is getting so developed. he's started using "this" and "that", "in" and "at" a lot and filling out sentences with all the connectors. it's all new. i love it. and he loves. . . trucks.

Allow

The more I let go and allow, the more things just seem to work themselves out. Sky does his thing... and sometimes I laugh and hug him, and other times, I feel totally perplexed and unsure how to proceed. I can see Life working through us....and that how whatever happens is not personal. I am becoming more a witness to this play and it is more beautiful and fulfilling than clinging to the assigned character called "me."

I thought I'd be bored! Totally the opposite.

And now I've got to get the cutie pie off to swim lessons. To watch the waves and the light...

first place?

my boy is only 2 years old and there are certain things i'm just not ready to see him learn.

we spent a week at the family summer cottage with my sister and her family. she has 2 kids. her oldest (boy) is 5 and her other is 3 (girl). i adore them both. they are fun and funny and really smart, sweet people.

in spending some time with them it was startling to me to see how interested in being right, first, best they were. the competition thing is alive for them. maybe it brought back memories of my own childhood, but it made me really sad to see how hard they worked to be right, best, first. to one-up each other. the youngest is only 3! granted she is precocius. she started doing everything (sit, walk, talk) way before most kids her age, but still. i know it happens eventually and for some kids it's earlier than others. for my sisters' little girl, it happened at an early age probably because she has an older sibling.

but, i felt like i wanted to shelter my son from learning that behavior. right now he really has no sense of first or best. and therefore he doesn't know how to make any one else feel badly and i don't want him be in a position of feeling badly if someone makes him feel less then them or second to them or (please let me never hear this coming from his mouth) a loser.

am i just an overly worried mom who can't come to terms with the fact that it's a big, bad world out there and soon enough he'll find that out? or can there be some way of keeping that knowledge from him for as long as possible without making him a recluse?

i want to teach him HOW to deal with those situations, so that he can rise to new challenges and have tools to navigate them. and at the same time i want so badly to protect him. i'm not sure how to make the two desires co-exist.

part of what i am learning about myself as a mom is that i'm in no hurry. when he turned 1 people assumed i'd be stuffing cake and ice cream down his throat. nutrition is really important to me, so, no, i didn't. i feel that he has his whole life to eat sweets. no need to start that so young. when were on vacation with my sister we felt like maybe we should have taken him to the baseball game that the others went to. it was at night, he'd have missed bedtime and been cranky as all get out, so no. not worth it. and he'll have years of going to baseball games. what about the water slide park? same deal. television and movies? there's time. my niece was watching E.T. and don't judge my sister for letting her watch it, but with bb i'm in no hurry. when it's time for all of these things, i'll know. and he doesn't know what he's missing. and i'm glad. i don't want him to know how it feels to be "last." i don't want him to melt down at the ball park because he's tired. how's that fair to him? and i don't want him to see E.T. in the plastic bubble and elliot freaking out. it's too scary. there's time.

isn't there?

or am i an overprotective freak?

looking into the future

the other night i was getting bb ready for bed. we were sitting on the guest bed having a little snack and he comes over and leans on me and says, "how are YOU today?" i tried SO hard not to laugh and to take him seriously because i wanted to see where the conversation would go, but he caught me. "fiiiine," i stuttered through a laugh. "how are you?" "good," he said.

today i overheard him talking to his trucks and cars and the now-famous jeep. he wasn't just talking, he was narrating to them like this:

i said, "jeep, want to go down the ramp?"
jeep said, "no, just take a rest."

i said "jeep want to go down the ramp?"
jeep said, "yes, go down NOW!"

(when the jeep fell)

oopsie! that's okay, jeep. that's okay.

everyday he becomes more conversational and i feel like anything could come out of his mouth. one day he's going to ask me "how are you today?" and a real conversation will ensue. he's only just turned 2, but it feels like 5. he feels old and big and like a boy. a real little boy. and i still sit and wonder how he's grown so fast. as if i haven't been here watching it.

i'm already becoming one of those "who told you you could grow up" kind of moms.
i'm already trying to sneak one more kiss then he really wants me to have.
i'm already missing him.

what am i going to do when kindegarten comes?