02 August 2007

i don't wanna hear it

if you have more than one kid, i don't wanna hear how hard it is. i'm not an idiot. i know that the challenges that come with a second kid are wide and varied and i also know that your life is not mine.

when i had my first kid everyone wanted to tell me their war stories--of the birthing, of the first few months of life with newborn, etc. and while i would like to think that people have good intentions it frustrated me because i felt like people were assuming that just because it was a certain way for them, that it would be for me.

i'm an optimist--for the most part and i like to believe in the best outcome in all things. this is true of having my second baby as well. i know we'll struggle. i know it could be really hard for bb to get used to his sister. i know we'll be busy and it will be hard to do laundry and dishes. and i also know it will be wonderful.

i guess i'm just tired of "veteran" moms saying in all-knowing tones, "oh, you'll be busy!" or "oh, you'll SEE!" like they've cornered the market on parenting. well, i have my own way of approaching life and i want to be let to have my own experience, you know?

i don't think that's too much to ask.


Tracey said...

I understand. I'm sure people are well-intentioned, though it sounds the other way. I mean, it IS hard work to have 2. But it's SO worth it to see your older child loving on their sibling. To see the tender side of a toddler towards a baby... To feel your own heart bursting at the seams, all over again... And all the whining and fighting is worth knowing that they truly love each other, and are best friends. That they will have each other to laugh over childhood with, to mock their parents and reminisce, well... THAT is what it's all about.

That and the second chance to smell and love and hug a new baby.

Allie said...

Oh Kate. I am sorry to hear that you are having other's experiences and advice pumped up your butt. It is sad but you are so true: You get so over inundated with advice that you just want to scream. I know that for the most part, people impart with the advice with good intentions but gosh ... do you really need to hear that it will be hard or busy?

From my experiences, all of that advice that I have received from well intentioned people has always turned out the exact opposite. Likely because I have gone out of my way to ensure that I don't have those experiences. :)

You will do just fine. You will see. And I am willing to bet a lot that your little man is going to be fabulous too!!

Jamie said...

Parenting is funny that way. Everyone wants to offer their oh-so-wise advice, but no one wants to hear it.

sari said...

I think a lot of times it seems like people are being patronizing, like they know so much more.

It's kind of like with parenting magazines - a couple came after my first was born and I would read them and just get freaked out about what I was doing. After a while, I figured out that I was much better just tossing them in the trash and following my heart.

It hasn't failed me yet, and yours won't fail you either. :-)rz

Liam's Mom - Gina said...

I am sorry people are clueless to your needs. I have been guilty of sighing in disbelief when my friends have announced their second or third child is on the way... I just don't know you all do it. I am in awe. I feel so inadequate and I only have one child... I can't imagine doing it again and my kid is 21 months. I should be over it by now, used to the whole super-woman role, but alas I am not. (I get the opposite... folks trying to sell me on having another baby.)

Kudos to you! Keep your positive perspective... don't let anyone tear you down. It's not like you didn't mean to have another child... this child is wanted and already a part of your family. Best wishes, Kate, and congratulations!