scenes from a new england back yard.

we had such a great long weekend. daddy was home from work after being super busy for a few weeks (yay!), the weather was amazing (hot, but we'll take it), and we put our hands in the dirt and made a garden! it was great fun. we're even attempting our first-ever sunflower house. here's hoping they grow big and tall. bb was a great helper. he says "mommy's garden." "help water." he enjoyed himself despite his lingering cold.





oh! and we also had a visit from momma bear. she's been in the woods in back of our house before. she's got a little cub who is cute as can be. we came home a couple of weeks ago to find our garbage had been carried off into the woods by her and she and baby were snacking. on this day she was coming back for more. she was right there in front of the deck. headed for the the garbage can. baby waited and called for her from the woods. she kept stopping to look back at him, then coming closer to the house. i know i'm not supposed to feed her. i know i don't want her getting comfortable with coming in our yard, but man. . . my heart was hurting for her. she needs to feed her little baby and it kills me to see her coming out of her home like that to do it. i felt sad and like we could somehow relate. that fierce protectiveness is present in all moms, i think. somehow we all have a common bond no matter what "kind" of mom we are. we'd do anything for our babies. i had to scare her away. i have my own baby to protect. but it was a strange feeling.

what have i done to piss the Universe off?

so,

1. *STILL* recovering from poison ivy. my homeopath says i may be having a "curative response" to the remedies prescribed. this sounds good in the long run, but the short term is completely frustrating and tiresome. i feel helpless to make it all better.

2. bb is sick with a nasty cold-cough combo. up the past 2 nights hacking away. stands up in his crib and cries, "boooogies!" i feel helpless to make it all better.

3. i sliced my finger open yesterday trying to quickly make lunch while bb whined at my knee. yet another way i can't use my hands!

4. i have some sort of pinched nerve/annoying pain going on that i can't identify. yep, helpless.

just what the hell is going on here? i think it's time the powers that be stop picking on me! i've done my time!

I realize more and more how hard it is for me to "do superficial." I am so used to diving on the deep end of the pool - discussing esoteric spiritual concepts, confronting personal demons, inquiring into cherished stories and thoughts... That anymore these days it's hard to just "chat."

I went for a walk today with another mom - and it struck me half way through, "I'm bored." Not that she was a bad person - she is a very pleasant person - it's just that even now I can't remember a thing she said. I thought how much cooler my walk could have been just looking at the neighborhood and enjoying the silence.

It will be interesting to see how the journey continues....

new 'do!

bb has been annoyed by his hair getting in his eyes and tickling his ears. this combined with being inspired by katie and her little jack's haircut, i decided it was time! it's just totally amazing how a haircut on a little dude can grow him up so fast. all of a sudden it was evident to me that i have a LITTLE BOY. baby no more!